the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
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