I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
