But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
