Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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