Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
