3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
