So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
