just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
