so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
