I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
