i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I checked into jail on foursquare
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
