YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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