How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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