I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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