in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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