last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
