R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
