Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
