is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
COCAINE IS GR8
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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