Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
