Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
