I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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