I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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