Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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