Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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