I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
