Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
