how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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