"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize