It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
