So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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