ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
