So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
