Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
