bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
