i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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