why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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