C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
