Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Four minutes until I can fart!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So much Jack, so little girl.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
