Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
