i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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