atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
