Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
