I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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