Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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