It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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