I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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