I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
