Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
