I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
