You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize