last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You took a bar mat shot.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
