wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
