yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
