I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
