I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
