hotel room ftw
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Buhtt sex?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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