thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
