Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
