It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
