he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
