Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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