I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
