just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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