Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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