I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
