dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
