Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
