You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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