I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
A bitchslap is in order.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
