This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
