I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We talked him into tasing himself.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
