im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
