My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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