i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
