So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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