I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
