can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
