hotel room ftw
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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