My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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