R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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