My liver just broke up with me...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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