And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
