I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
