you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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