That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
