I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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